Wednesday, October 18, 2006


Just before i hop into bed!!

listening to the thai song.

a lil lyrics to share with you!

-mii prahyessu yuu nay cay chaan, cay chaaan mii khwaam sukk!!'
'to have jesus in my heart, there is joy in my heart!'

insert: damn. i should be learning thai now. im not saying in nus though. slowly letting that sub-thought go.

joy.JoY,jOy.

khwaam suk khwaam suk. and more khwaam suk.

the thais sure are happy people. so many songs and there the word joy is sitting right there.
even though i do not understand a lot a lot, but once i hear the word khwaam suk i know-it's joy!

i was supposed to pray ytd and give my parents an answer about going to chiang mai. yes once again. they do allow this time round. but they never make it clear what date i should come back. air fares are still rising.slowly la i think. but i forgot.

what am i supposed to feel? i listen to these songs and i feel something tugging. the thai people just sound too happy singing. when i am sitting here in the middle of the night, semi-frustrated with Ab assigment.

but so what if i do have thoughts that i do want to go? i can go up to the mountians and sing those thai songs and be as happy as the thai voices i hear now. the songs are so uplifting. they make me happy and more joyful.

but thoughts and imaginations are all one thing.

standing in between is still my consciousness. a choice, i can consciously make. and think and know.

and i am in control of this decision (physically as human) not overall control (factoring God iN).

so i can also chose to ignore these good feelings im having and return to 'earth'. turn off i-tunes. forget. and go to sleep.
and give the answer that i still should not go..

Do i have peace in my heart?
now this is tricky. because the ballet issue is just not peaceful at all. there will never be peace with ballet. because it requires a lot from you. a lot. which i find i cannot give so excessively anymore.

you see, even if i have peace with My decision, thinking about ms ong and the situation. a frown grows on my forehead again.

i still do not have a choice.

yet i risk being played out. when i do not go.
i just want the best of both worlds? not really.
i am quite willing to give up the other world.
then the responsibility factor comes in.
then i have no choice again.
because i have an obligation to others.

swee. help me say. "-" it all.

damn. the thai woman is still singing into my ear.
how do you say no to that?

yet when she is silenced. she has no more power.

ok. bye. im gonna cry now.

charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 1:44 AM