Sunday, June 25, 2006
waaaah lao.
why do my parents unconsciously,absent-mindedly impose on me that we have no money? like fcuckcuck ok! like everytime i need something or want anything or think of anything. my next thot is . wait. we have no money. but you know where the biggest joke lies? that is not entirely true. sometimes i don't know what they spend on. they give me this horrid impression that they or we have no money. and then i can't do anything. but it's all not true.
that is why i was so HAppY when i was previously independent and self sufficient. i no longer had to grapple with 'we have no money' or my own thots tt they have no money(tt's y a lot of things i dont bother ask).because anything i wanted. i knew it was within my means. or even if it wasn't i could still buy it. and just be broke later(like now).which is why im feeling so horrid now. the biggest part of my poor broke state is not that i can't go eat as much as i want. but rather, because im sad i can't provide for myself anymore. i tell you, if i could, i'd really pay for everything myself. like my upcoming ballet exam. i really wish to foot the bill myself.and a possible lappie. which they just dismissed earlier tonight. which is why i feel fcuckcuck now also.they ask me to use my sister's one.
because even when i make them pay. i feel bad ok. cos i think. they have no money. but you know, it's really not true. and it pisses me off more when. my parents are indifferent and don't give two hoots about uni and signing of all tt cpf form stuff. they put it off. and then when i warned them about not meeting the deadline and having to pay cash then. esp when fees are at 6000 sth a yr now and no longer 5932, dad casually went on to say. 'don't worry! u think i can't afford to pay it in cash?'
fine. then if you're so rich..why all the no money?
never pay for my dance fees for SO long.
is it my fault i can't get a scholarship. not everything is so easy ok. it's already very good that sis no need money from you ok. and just cos ure used to not footing out money for her. doesnt mean you carry that over to me. the average parent pays for ALL their kids uni education ok. you already got a break from her.dont take it for granted that it's SUPPOSEd to work like tt. where u just get a schloarship n govt pay for you. but im a normal kid here. hellow. so go the usual way and pay what you have to and stop saying no money.
look carefully and see who's fault is it as to why im always so money-minded. and talking only about money.
charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 10:25 PM
