Monday, July 25, 2005


monday. first day of school, fifth week.

so much for sending out happy sms forwards to friends. i found myself far from happy today. first thing, human geog lecture. something's really wrong or im either paranoid. first, ms lum told all people w surname T's to stand up.. and i was thinking..is she wanting me to participate? next, later part, she just blurted out..ok..charlene tan! i want you to answer. fine so tt was me. then she realised i already said something so i was freed.

F's for geog earn you all that attention.

i cant help but feel im being overly full of self. sorry.

today is a day i'd rather forget. its days like these which zap me outta denial tt im low and out again. it started happy i was sure!i was happy this morning.

point: maybe this is true. but not always. im thinking about this myself too. chris once said, if charlene is angry, she wont say anything. perhaps. but actually, the truth is, when im feeling anything else than good, im silent! go figure. hmm..

felt pissed off today. for something i feel isnt even justified. im just too proud now of late. im really sorry.

i think too many people are reading my blog. i feel im not as free anymore. i think im starting to care what people might possibly think.

once again, im sorry. im really becoming a snob.

next thought. i know this doesnt really fit. and lumping this addition to the above will make this seem like nothing or rather, another proud charlene. but i was thinking,now i think i wanna dance in future. i like dance. and then i wonder. what makes me so sure? i guess i only love it so much cos im stuck with studies now at the moment. the other side of the pasture always looks greener. when im finally in dance , then im pretty certain i'd start to think otherwise. and that i dont wanna know cos truth always hurts. what if i dont really love dance as much as i think i do? i'll be so sad. i might cry.

on to more encouraging things..

2 corinthians 4: 7-9
''But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.
8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;
9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;''

and another verse highlighted at service yesterday

Matthew 24:14
''And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.''

looking at this verse, i dont know should i rejoice or feel sorrow-i get mixed feelings. for one this verse tells that, all that we live for centres around Christ and Christ alone. nothing else matters. all we're here to do is to do the Lord's work and save lost souls. and two..yet does it also mean that all im trying and running after is all in vain? earthly things shouldnt matter.and yet sometimes they overpower,which saddens me cos im wastimg my time. and yet its also comforting to know all my worries are unnecessary. this verse is also rather urgent. there's no more dillydallying..the Lord's work is urgent. however, i cant be of much use or help to him. what am i doing slopping around everyday?

as the song goes:

'The hours that i've wasted are so many,the hours ive spent for christ so few. because of all my lack of love for jesus,i wonder if his heart is breaking too?..how many are the lost that i have lifted, how many are the chained ive helped to free? i wonder have i done my best for jesus, when he has done so much for me.'

none.none at all. :(

charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 6:30 PM