Friday, October 22, 2004
sometimes i wonder, where is the line drawn where you have to make it clear on where you stand in terms of keeping the faith, being a testimony for Christ. .
come fridae, dance, (e school) has dance practice and i have to have to go. in line with that ive got tuition, and so, i cant possibly miss it again? it sux.
on the whole, dont like the way they like to impose tasks on us. they tell us on wednesdae, ok everyone! on sundae, there's gonna be this dance performance u guys have to stand in for cos some primary school opted out. and yes, they assumed we would all be free, or rather, cut out all other activities we had just to dance for their stupid under-rated function (im sounding like a proud ass here ).
for me, that includes missing tuition. and mdm lee asked me what kinda tuition i had on saturdae, i said math. she said exams over what. yeas, exams are over, but i pay my fees so i have to go for tuition! what difference does it make that exams are over? well exams are over and we're still doing work in school. same goes for tuition! and she went on to tell me, how i shouldnt just put tuition in place of dance prac. hey! i dont have a choice u know? he's gonna be pissed w me when i cant have tuition. by far i am his most problematic student and its not as if he needs the fees i pay him.
i just helped sis smash a beetle with her dreaded bsats book from the library. such simple pleasures of life. haha. im a sadist! i get to pound on the poor thing, and after that, i get to see a nice blend of beetle pancake! all smashed and juicy. the damn thing was stuck in her fan trying to act cute like boy boy. my sis was trying to get e brown thing on a paper so i could get into action and SMASH it! muahaha.
i love it! -BANG!- *juices and legs all spread out squashed and flat!
ok mdm lee also said, as part of the committee, i should set a good example. cannot little bit tuition then dont go. eh please la! like anybody cares im the ASST TREASURER. such an impt sounding name. i quite like. -.-
on to sundae's performance. its in little india, and organised by some buddhist lodge. no. 1, sundae is the sabbath dae, we're supposed to keep it holy. least tt's what they teach us. no.2, i know its school function, but i dont know why nowadays their allowing us to render help to religious organisations. i know this is harmonious singapore where we accomodate each other and compromise. previously there was this metta home thing. also some religious organisation behind it. not saying we cant help. but i feel funny about it you know.
then theres also the thing about sae, if i wanted to be so devoted and really have no association with whatever religious groups, and cip is in line, i cant possibly give it up, cos its in line with school curriculum!! [ is this supposed to be a tiny tiny example of 'suffering for Christ' ? cos we're suppsoed to stand firmly in believe] ya. but if u do tt, at e end of e dae, u got no cip hours, u can forget about going uni.
so sometimes i dunno where to draw the line. im also wondering why the school keeps giving us cip duties to do with religious organisations.
ok maybe im just narrow and insensitive and prejudiced.
haha! i just sent ms lee a msg"ms lee, the performance on sundae is it in some open field community thing or is it in some temple?" i dunno if she may find it offensive. aha. 'some temple' i mean people will go like halo! its not just some temple like any other building. its a holy place. wahhaa! so if its a holy place, and we have to perform there, surely theres some wrong in it eh ;)
ahh crap! this reminds me of the thing ms ong once proposed, that she wants to bring dance into worship. haha. shit.
also, if im so devoted i have to stand so even if its ballet also must restrain myself and cannot do -whine-
whaha. i feel so evil for putting religion as the basis of why i dont wanna do it this sundae,apart from e fact tt im not in favour and prejudiced against it. if it were ballet id be so keen on it, but then if i were to cancel one, im also to cancel all regardless. haha.
Aiyah! but its also so bad. cos ms lee will be thinking this silly christian girl, wanna act holy, its not as if shes a v good testimony in dance itself. always late and never serious.
so u see. big things i can try to 'whoa!! must respect sunday and all. but everydae school life like one shit' what's the whole point?
only breed other's flawed idea towards christianity and how we're all so hypocritical. ok.. [change] how im so hypocritical.
on to other stuff.
i didnt go for the dinner todae. in the end mum n dad were free, sis n i stayed home. i slept v nicely from 6 to 920. mum says theres gonna be dinner on sat again. granny's making popiah so we should all go and eat. hmm i wanna go. but i dont wanna go alone. i'll only go if sista is going. dunno whats into me, but nowadays, its like only if my sis goes then i'll go. i dont like the idea of going alone.
im becoming very warped a person. wrong word usage i know. basically im just morphing into this spoilt person la.
like how i dont regard others. and i dont like to show affection blah. sorry la. i dunno when i started becoming like tt ok~ so my folks think i dont love them.
mummy got so pissed w me just now for not washing the spoon properly. she said it was still slathered w honey. i didnt wash properly and just went tru e motion. hence, as a result, i'll have no honey to go w my chrysanthemum in future cos i dunno how to wash the spoon properly. -,-
she also da bao-ed sam lou yu pin from the dinner. it was lousy. its a fact ok. the food really wasnt nice. but whats most impt is e fellowship around the table not the food. im sure everyone had a good time. i dont tend to be sacarstic here. i do hope and believe seriously they had a good time. theres just this cynical side of me now ok. cos i wouldnt see myself having a good time. cos im petty. yay.
she said , [maybe what i said previously was true] ' i have disregard for others and i expect to be served.' if i have Christ in me, i wouldnt be like that. theres nothing i do which reflects Christ in me' hmm..good observation mum. maybe its true. ure the second person to tell me this. apart from u.d.
you know what, not that i wanna be mean or anything, but i believe theres this verse in the bible which says that you do things without expecting return. yea. so she means to sae she da pao the food cos she cared and all so she expects me to i dunno..appreciate? ya i do, i do. she expects me to wash and keep it and, once again, wash the honey drenched spoon properly? but when i failed to do a good job she blew up at me. haha. hey hey! she shouldnt have done that! Christ wouldnt have! ok shit. im too too cynical tonight. i could go on ya know. so its my fault over her fault. so we're both at fault. me for not being a nice good daughter and her for screaming and losing her temper cos shes supposed to urm.. whats tt word. have patience? ya so no-one's perfect.
i shouldnt go round judging people. :(
charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 1:25 AM
