Saturday, October 30, 2004
early this morning, i woke up LATe again. supposed to be in school at 830 but only woke at 830, so i rushed down to school and reached at 910. just like that, 8 bucks gone. owwoww.
then pw..hmm, commented on other groups and gave them tips and helped them along. i guess this's the only good which has come out of pw--that our class has gelled together to offer each other help and support. my group improved alot today, and my speech was fine. though still need to brush up. hai. pw pw pw. as a result, im breAking out in pimples all over my forehead! stress i guess. but maybe more of late nights cos im never stressed.
worked on it till about 215, then i left for ballet. results were to be made known today!~
but i was late for class as well cos i left late from school. argh. so i rushed in as they were halfway thru barre. arh. exercises are hard. i hate to return after long breaks. the pain is just excruciating and cometimes i wonder why im even there. it only got better in centre, cos i like centre. i like plies and everything at barre, i only dont like it when they go on to adage and all those rond de jambes en lair. those can kill!! and foutte of adage. oww oww oww.
i only don't like jumps in the centre. hah. then ms ong made as do our own reverance. which was crap. cos she gave us fast jumpy music, so not in tune. argh. i ended up doing sth more of like a saute exercise. : /
ahha. then ran through abit of vanessa's dance. we're no longer doing it to 'wallk away', but another song by geri halliwell. one with more tempo. so its more lively, but the steps are faster now, so its harder to grasp. then we ran through ms ong's item. i think shes trying to 'get in touch with her roots' these days. she's cheorographing this dance to the 12 girl band chinese orchestra thing.
then it was results. haha. Thank God, He really did, give me distinction!! and as i said, i WILL attribute the grade, not to my own ability but to His grace. really, i believe it was almost a miracle. as in like, i was prepared for the exam and all, and aiming for a distinction, but as i once ranted , the exam scenario wasnt what i wanted it to be and i screwed up on doubles [and still cant do them].and got super upset over the whole thing.
as i think back now, i didnt do the exam well. i remember during petit battements at the barre, was already dying and felt wobbly but dunno how i managed to carry on. and then for developpe in the centre, i did wobble abit here and there. a lil more for other exercises too. and worse, the major screw up on doubles. and yet, the results turned out ok. plus there was a known fact that john burn was a strict examiner. i think i even saw him looking down when i couldnt do the turns. then, i was thinking to myself 'die die die!' plus i remember my exam counterparts were strong. mainly coco and vinitha. coc got 100 for grade 7?! hah. yea. so yup i really thank God given the conditions and foil ups and everything. His grace still shone through :)
i guess through all this, i realise that all that happened-- all those insecurities happened and yet it still turned out fine, infact better than fine, cos God was telling me to learn to always trust in him, even when things seemed horrible. He will still bring it to pass if it were His will, no matter what. sigh, all that worrying previously..i was so affected. all for nothing. i shouldve learnt from the start to fully trust and rely. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto they own understanding" proverbs 3:5 this is so aptly true. Trust is all He asks for and that, is what i find so hard to give. argh. i seriously lack faith.
But He has shown me great things in this short period. one, was the promotions thing, in school work, and second, was my ballet exam results. all was in His hands all along. it was only time,before it surfaced to me. next, i believe He will take horrid pw in His hands and it'll be all over by tuesday! then friday, chinese aos.
my God is an awesome God! :)
matt 6:30-34 'Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.'
haha this is is apt with whatever im thinking. it holds all the answers :) happened to read this a few nights ago :)
oh one more thing that's been going through my head on and off during free time my mind has to ponder,
"i guess it all comes down to where your heart is,
it's there your thots and feelings all begin..
But if you never give your heart to Jesus,
you'll never really have a part in Him..
If your treasures are in heaven,
then your heart will be there too,
and the things you say and do will show Christ's love,
but if your treasure's here on earth,
and the earthly things you do,
in poverty you'll live your whole life through..''
the song! Where your heart is. ahh this's so true. and guess what, i didnt know it originates from this passage in the bible, also taken from matthew 6, just a few verses before the one shown above.
it goes like this,
matt 6:19-21
19 ' Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.'
hahaha. ok goodnight.
pw again tomorrow after church. sigh. second sabbath taken up by school stuff. argh hate this. seriously, not that im lazy, but i think, if i give the day fully to God, the result's might even be better than if i practise endlessly tomorrow. oh well, but since its group work and group responsibility, to be a testimony, in a certain sense, i'll go.. :)
charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 11:20 PM
