Sunday, April 04, 2004


i've suddenly got the terrible feeling that my life is so so screwed. everything just seems so terribly wrong. in every direction i look, it spells a dead end. i cant think properly. i cant even talk to anyone about what im scared of, cos its too much. its something u just dont share with others cos its far too personal. oh why did things have to turn out like this. why is everything so against me suddenly?! i cant take it anymore.

so all i do is shut it out. and push it far away. but for how long can i supress this fear? that distinct feeling, the past.
it's so scary. there's no solution i can think of. its like im doomed to suffer. i get scared to tears. almost.

what ive thot of all along seems so wrong. the hard truth of what i think may be has hit me hard and brought me to realisation. and i feel so cheated, so stupid. so helpless.

all the possibilities of everything shows itself and i cant accept it. i cannot.

all the times in lala land i must forget. i feel as if ive been living a dream all along, only to wake up in a nightmare, a complete world of dystopia. the direct reverse. the scariest thing.

charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 12:40 AM