Thursday, April 01, 2004


heh. i havent been blogging, with the slight intention, as to give my mummy more time to stumble upon and read the previous entry. though till now, i dunno if she has. but just in case she didnt n is reading this one now, here's my note: get off dear ma. it's no use reading about me secretly. knowing u do this only shows you dont know me well enough to have to resort to this.which i hope is not the case. surely you'd find out more from a live me walking around the house, than a narration on the com, merely coming from me. so yes, please point the cursor to the far right of e screen, which will kindly exit you from here. BYE BYE!!!:D

so anyhow, my week has been progressing smoothly so far. just that the load of boring lectures and all. i have sucessfully begun to start going to school late and ponning all over again. looks like the new term hasnt done much improvement to me. infact, nothing.

i was early on monday, but was 5 min late for first lecture on tues, i missed e whole thing cos it was ms tie, and its not nice to walk into her lecture late. then wed, well, i happily slept till 10 and reached school at eleven. i first woke at six. i did! just tt sumhow, i was too too tired. i fell back to bed after brushing me teeth. and to think i even had an early night.


cca registration was on yesterday. i guess i have to learn to gladly announce that im officially in dance as a cca. and i carelessly signed up for photography too, cos that interests me, and to accompany Doris. learnt up more of the dance for talent time in may. then i had to get a stupid stomach ache at the untimely hour. i had to pretend i was ok, and try to dance. then crouch on the floor. and also, try as hard to secretly emit gas:P

dance ended at six, was so tired, plus the lousy empty feeling in my stomach. it was terrible.

at least frozen grapes made me feel better:) not the stomach i mean.

but everyone should try frozen grapes. its so yummy!!!

and...i finally sent the audition applicatiuon to SDT. BUT, whether i go anot on 17th april, is still not confirmed. i'll think about it again at a latter date.

bought three sets of uniform. with skirt size 30. then i just realised that size 29 suits me better. cos 30 looks as if there's too much cloth. so i wanted to change, but thot the uniform fella's wont come todae, so didnt bring to change. so now if i want to, have to go all the way to bedok to change. sighhhh. OR, i can eat more and put on weight:P

actually, dance cca is looking more hopefull. more people with dance background are joining so i think there's standard. but also, slight competition. i mean now, i'll still be the fat dancer. which purely sucks. dammit! vivien looks so dancer like. i can just admire her. another steph. actually, i already do admire her. teeheeez.

today, i faithfully attended all my lectures, and learnt things from goeg n lit. and econs too! todae is my good day! then for pe, we ran four rounds. lately, ive been running with elaine, cos she's trying to lose wt. for me, im just doing ti so tt i wont feel as guilty when i eat like a pig.

talk about eating, im so hungry now. didnt eat lunch. only had a choc ice blended, cos e stupid fella forgot to add in e oreo cookie, and some peanuts and sweets at my tr's mum's wake.

talk about the wake. its a rather hush hush issue. but aniwae, well, it turned out to be a non-christian one. so yea. we had to pay respects and offer joss sticks. of course, i didnt, just went there and pay respects. first time. i never did such stuff before. everytime i attend a wake, its even more sad if you know the deceased wasnt a believer. what shocked me more, was that everyone around me, majority, actually took the joss sticks. and mind you, it was a big bunch of us who went. then it struck me there were so many non christians around. sigh its sucha pressing problem nowadays. and im simply too lousy to do anything. i even heard deniece didnt go cos she didnt wanna attend a wake which involved having to offer joss sticks. then i thot was it even right for me to be there. i mean, (heck e part tt i was abit k po). you see things like this....and i cant even get it right. im too lousy a testimony for God, i don't wanna shame his name by letting others know.

also, i pondered on the fraility of life. im sure all of us at the wake thought about that silently for a minute or two. his mum passed away after a pneumonia attack, and it was a downhill thing which happened in the short span of three days. just a few complications and the poor fella's gone. most old foggies die that way i guess. i mean my grandad passed away in that same fashion. from diabetes when i was p6. so u really never know when ure gonna go, and really, there isnt much time. but blame me ok? i suck, so i cant bring myself to even talk about religion, much less share the gospel. sue me.

and tomorrow marks the end of the weeek. finally. have so many things on on saturday i hafta remind myself.

morning :dance prac
afternoon: lunch w dawn and ballet
evening: ij band concert.

i hope i dont forget.

i was thinking about the lyrics in this song on my way back home. just as i stepped outta the lrt.

"The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never
leave me"

what got my attention, was, "the smile on your face" i wasnt thinking in relation to the song. i mean its nice, but sadly, its sappy. but anywae, yea, the smile on your face. i mean, anyone can just smile and put on a brave front to fake happy. but u really never know what's going on deep down. many people are ignorant to the emotional turmoil of others until its too late. but i guess that happens to everyone. we're often caught off guard. simon was smiling awae just now. here and there but i know his heart was bleeding. his mum, should be very young, maybe 50 plus. since he's so young himself.

well yea. nothing is certain. it's so easy to be deceived. infact, its much easier to be happy than to surface your heart's ache. after all, all you need to do is smile. and people will think everythings a-ok.

how simple.yet dangerous.


"It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may, I can never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

Chorus
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never
leave me

The touch of your hand says you'll catch me where
ever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all
All day long I can hear people talking out loud

But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Try as they may, they can never define
What's been said between your heart and mine
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never
leave me

The touch of your hand says you'll catch me where
ever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all"



all the underlying pain so subtlely surfaced.


charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 7:18 PM