Wednesday, January 28, 2004
i've been feeling really bad this week. i think it's pms. cos im expecting my period next week.
guess what? i didnt go for ballet yesterdae!and i had to tell her over e phone cos some how veron passed the phone to her when i called. so i was like "ms ong, are we doing e sewing today?" and she was like "yes why?" and i was" oh..cos i cant go today cos my group has to do e script for e lit play and its due tommrow, so i cant make it" then she said " oh...so u take the cahnce to skive huh?" and i said "no, but i cant help it cos its due tomorrow, and we havent done the script so we have to do it in school today" and so she said " ok..then disappear from the world" then i said "okaaaay.." then..yea tt's about it.
bloddy hell, i was still in shock after i hung up the phone, and then i just kept thinking n re thinking about the conversation and went all quiet. i was afraid my group wld notice, so i tried to smile here and there lamely whenever sth was said. but i dont know. it just bothered me.
why does she have to always be so harsh and negative? please. spare a thought that i come from across the island, not 5 minutes walk away or sth. and if u only want me to do sewing, not tt i wouldnt but, to travel so far just for tt. i really dont see a point in it. its like..when u come regularly, nth is said. and like..once u dont come for a period of time cos ure busy w school or sth, she'll just assume sumhow tt ure lazy or whatever. its kinda pissing. like ure taken for granted. only when u cant make it then she lashes out everything at you, totally forgetting the fact tt u tried to come regularly, and all. like she just forgets at that moment tt u have been coming diligently for e past 4/5 years?!? it sickens me! totally.
also, my stomach was still feeling bad. up till today it still is. infact i just came back from the doctor.
and i got mc for tomorrow! but tts another thing. i'll see. cos tmr's an impt day for me. i cant miss school, though i feel i really need the rest.
dont ask why, but part of me was hesitant to go to the doc from yesterday on, partly cos of the ballet shit. it was as if i was trying to convince myself that i really wasnt feeling well, and i wasnt lazy or skiving or whatever she mentioned. gawd. how could she ask me to disappear from this world. so i tried to urm..prolong the pain longer to convince myself. and maybe also try to make myself sick enough to suffer at chingay. i feel sorry to say this but in a way, to kinda spite her. i mean, i know, y torture myself when she prolly wldnt even notice. i dont know. i just somehow wanna 'show' her tt...look im not having a breeze over here k. ok. nvm. i shouldnt be so bitter. she suffers too i know. but wadever.
i expect the pain to subside soon and leave me in comfort once again. cos i just took e medicine.
we're gonna act the lit play tomorrow. i had so many things on my mind i even thought e play was due on wednesday. as what i told her.
darn. i hate this. why does she influence me so much. i feel like a slave! why does it have to affect me so much? for goodness sake
! shes just my ballet tr. and because of that, i dont know, no other person in this world makes me this jittery ok. and of all people, it has to be her. not even e school dm or wadever. imagine that. there must be sth about her. ok...mebe i just respect and admire her lots. or mebe dance is just wad i have alot of passion for...
ok..moving on...today we had pe. we ran 2 rounds and did some training. not too bad. i can do anything but run. really. i can skip and jump for u, do burpees or jumping jacks, just NOt run. so i thank God that e pe tr was in her sound mind today. and yes. i guess she does have a heart afterall.
cca day today. im so torn between 5 ccas! squash already had their try outs. i think i can just forget asbout it. and im not going for odac anymore, cos that and ms ong wouldnt be good frens cos my fren told me there's alot of camps and all. so yea. im gonna do mainly dance, eng society and yoga. there was yoga todae, but i forgot wad time n where was it so i gave it a miss. i peeped in e dance studion today and they were doing warm ups. their ballet was pathethic and there was only one J1 there. and well, she looked like a ballet dancer and i just had to feel inferior again so i just walked off to attend english society meeting. we were briefed, had some games and some funny people went up to make speeches for starters. it was really hilarious! so funny.
then after tt i went home at 4 plus, reached home at abt 5 plus and slept. i actually had an afternoon nap!! and u know, when i woek up, i saw e blue sky and e first thing i thought was damned! am i late for sch? then i realised the com was on and so were the lights. then i realised .
im so soo disorientated and upset and not myself these days. i dont know why. i feel out and all. it really sucks bad. damn it!
tomrrow, our og's going out to watch peter pan cos we have to do tt for lit assignment. yay!
and friday its chingay. grrr...
i was suppsoed to eat less this week, and lucky me, ended up eating close to every two hours, cos every 2 hours after food, my stomach gets more gassed up and what not tt i have to eat to stop the pain.
just today, i ate breakie at 7, then at 10 i ate rice, as in a whole plate. then at 1 plus i ate a whole chicken sandwich from the cafe and on the way home i ate hello panda, and stuffed myself w more pineapple tarts n cny goodies.
just a little bit too much to digest.
boy am i gonna burst the costume.
charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 9:14 PM
