Friday, July 25, 2003
im finally back from everything. had no lit todae, so i went to lydia's house again. did lit. geesh! i spent 2 and a half hours on the 8 lit questions!! and it was all repetition. im so sian of lit already. sigh..sometimes i feel as if i cant perform anymore. i can't write anymore, and my ideas have become very dull and i can't even come up with the simplest common sense ideas even!!
sometimes i feel that writing too much in the past year has worn out on me already. i find writing a drag nowadays. first, it's geog essay, if not, it's ss source based or structured. and lastly, then comes lit!!!! arghh. not that im beginning to not like these subjects. i just don't know how to express this shitty feeling. it's like every new essay question i see, i get all bored by it and then i lose all my ideas, then i can't write anything, then i feel soo lousy. and in some cases when i can, it seems very extremely out of point!!! urgh...and worse, after prolonged doing of essays, ( like just now) i start repeating points, and any new additionAl insights don't make any sense thereafter. oh yes, and i forgot!! not forgetting the summary for compre and compositions for english!!! and thank goodness chinese is all over!!!
school was saddening todae. i always feel all dejected and sad every fridae despite the drawing weekends. maybe it's gotta do with the time table. First two periods, it's PHYSICS!! which means TEH BOO CHAI early in the morning, when i haven't properly digested my breakfast yet. he makes me lose appetite! yes. about him. let me continue. and the fact that it's physics and i LOST my physics wb!! and so , i owe him an excercise!! i told him i lost it, and he said you should go get another one. haiz. and i tried to get a copy frm e bookshop n they didnt have stock. so i feel depressed about one, not having the book and having to buy it and REDO a.k.a (copy) again, two, not being able to hand in my work, and thirdly, just this whole business of NOT HAVING THE BOOK. it's somewhere i know, cos it was urm..three mths ago that i wanted to hand it in...then dunno pass here and there, and tompang a few pple's lockers, and then it got lost. so im still reluctant to getting a new one cos i know it's SOMEWHERE! its always when i get a new one, then it will suddenly appear. i hate that!
if i don't have a copy of the sodding book by monday, it's detention for me on wednesdae. darn. i hate detention. oh, i havent been late these two weeks! -grins- i get a morning call every morning! thanx lydia!
i tried to ask him if i could just print the last pages of the book, and he said " then how are you gonna revise?" i said TYS and txt bk will do. he said not enuff. then he asked me what i wanted to get for O's...i heard soon guan saying three..so i followed suit. i shouldn've just said 5..then he wouldn't care if i have the book anymore. who uses the workbk anywae!! someone tell tt man!!
he told maybeline todae" i actually do care about you, but u don't wanna work for yourself" i was laughing like...HAHA!!! trust him to say sth soo cheesy!!! anywae, science was depressing. so it wasnt a good start.
then came english. i normally like english, but todae, we had to do a compo!! which means writing again!!! the topic was Together, Singapore is okay. and we only had slightly more than half an hour to complete. at most, fourty five minutes, after we brainstormed on it for abit. i wrote shit shit stuff. so my day was better but still bad.
after recess was math. im also screwed for math, cos we're doing this bukit merah paper which i didn't receive. and so, didn't do, and everytime it's math, my desk is empty. yesterdae, i was learning how to fold paper hearts so i was entertained. but todae, i was just stoning. think mr lim got quite pissed todae, cos i and a few others had no paper too, and were chatting awae. he said sth like...urm...if we continue like that.. then we have no future...urm...no no..wasnt like that. it was sth abt even graduates cant find jobs and those frm N.A are better than express now...and pple in china n india are rising, if we continue to be complacent and not work hard, in future, turn around we will be working for other countries and looked down upon by them. he said sth like...even if you go overseas, you'll always be looked down upon and considered second class no matter how good and stuff. and he said if you have money, fine, but how many of us , fathers are highflyers...so we shut up after that. then i felt even more guilty when i didnt have my paper. i hate the feeling of not having my work kinda thing. i hate to think of this problem nowadyas, though it's very true. i mean, just how many of us, dear little people from neighbourhood schools will actually make it big next time. i mean...not mentioning those from elite schools who are not having it plain easy either. where do we actually stand. sighers. gRADUATES cant even find jobs now. not even degree holders! the minimum now is to have a masters degree to find a well paying enough job. i hate to think of the future. :(
ok... and then after math is poa. at least i did my homeowrk todae, so it wasnt so bad, but im stiull very sad about the whole poa thing. cos i just suck in this subject, although its very easy.
after school, went to pizza hut to celebrate sok yee's belated b'dae which was yesterdae.
i finally paid anthony ng todae. guess he was happy. after this, i shall not have a grudge against him anymore. it's bad and it takes up too much energy. i shall just forget and let go =)
second, i think if i cant get the book by mondae, i'll tell TBC i have a financial problem. if he doesn't believe, ive got proof!! first, i have a missing button on my blouse, my skirt is held up by a safety pin, and my shoes look like rat teething ground. yea!! and to top it up, my hair naturally looks like it's deprived of shampoo, so that's very good! and also, i am too poor to buy a nail clipper, so i resort to ripping my nails out. hmm..what else... my socks are ok, cos mum bought new ones. urm... and so, cos of all these, ive got no $$ for a new physics wb!! so proud of myself. he's gotta believe me!! oh yes! and ive got a hole in my pocket! see. i've GOT a financial problem!!
and then it was lydias hse (already metioned) and now here.
oh! swee tee told seetaram tt she's gonna have a job paying $1000 plus or sth, at outram park. i really dunno what's she up to now.
after looking at her demented stae for the past three days, when i finally saw her laugh at something todae, i tell you, i got a shock, and it was like a horror nightmare to me!! lydia and i were discussing that. haha.
i never thot she would smile or laugh again, cos now i can only envision her blank look. so when i saw her laugh once more, it was sccarrry...no joke!
i'm still feeling full.
i ate up three wafers at lyd's residence. Fat.
i weighed myself during recess on the taf weighing scale. my weight was close to 56!!! haha. mr sng put it heavier to cheat those overweight people... poor things. but even if i really am 56, i wouldn't care anymore. nono.
charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 7:25 PM
