Wednesday, May 14, 2003
Tuition seemed wierd today. I'm feeling guilt-stricken. i was thinking, maybe i shouldn't judge so much and allow more love and patience into my spirit. Had tuition today. but anywae, for one, i don't know why i should even be getting so bogged down by this whole business.
He asked me, when i stepped into the room. "Did you call me yesterday?" i said "no.." apparently, he claims that he received a voice mail and it had my number SOMEHOW and he though i cancelled tuition. He asked if i waited for him there yesterday and i nodded. "Why didn't you call me then?" silence. -guilty- i felt so bad. i felt "exposed". it hit me hard that it was me, judging too much, grumbling too much and sulking over all his nonsense, but never once considering the possible shit i give him unknowingly.
after that, my mind couldn't seem to focus. i was feeling bad bad. and thinking all sorts. perhaps he knew somehow about all i said about him to almost everyone willing to bear my crap.of course, anyone will tell me not to be stupid, cos that's impossible, but he's in the same school as me! news spreads. maybe its my guilty conscience then.
To make things worse, i was so
xing bu zhai yan and distracted. i couldn't concentrate on the piece of comprehension before me. my mind was blank, and the characters took the form of mere strokes. at least they weren't swimming around, but it was bad enough. My reading sucked today too. i think my chinese standard has dropped to bottom again . And i don't like the fact of it dropping NOW cos it gives the impression of being swooned away, after a few praises, losing my head totally. i hate that happening, though maybe that;s what is going on.i don't wanna be filled with pride. no no... i'll just buck up again. ive been lagging behind on chinese again in revisions and class the past week. keep talking and kinda lack concentration.
Coffee doesn't seem to work on me. i had a cup during recess, but i could still fall asleep halfway during CME. it was either decaff, or i had too thick a brain wall filled with fluid that it couldn't take effect. Anthony's coming down with a flu. so caution to justina, step up on your vitamin C intake. He's always getting sick. poor thing.
Owww. i'm feeling a slight throb on my right temple.must've strained my eyes too much. i need my forty winks again!! Tomorrow's Vesak day. church organised a Family fun and games day. we're in charge of the tots. i almost forgot. oops! i hope i get back early after that and do abit of studying. i'm supposed to start on geog +ss and lit today, but suprisingly, im feeling more reluctant than with physics. sleepy.
Maybe all thise crap is just the period blues. once again i mention, i HATE periods. they stink.
One last thing. i cant be so easily swayed. Anthony still has his rubbish business. and im not gonna forget it even though im feeling guilty as of now.
PS: chris!! his name is melvin. -winks- hahahahaaaa.see ya tomorrow. we shall talk!!
charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 8:01 PM
