Thursday, April 03, 2003
tuesday was fine.urm..ok..i shall elaborate, firstly, they were soo soo late, but nvm, i don't care, as long as i got my cookie n muffin! yay!! but mummy had to spoil it all and dampen the mood abit, by making a curfew that i had to be home by 4...and the worst part was, when i got home, slightly before four, no one was at home! NO ONE! i stepped home in a total, quiet, dimly lit house!!
hmm..so, about yesterdae, i had a ok time lah. i mean, being out beats being cooped up at home wasting time away , then feeling so guilty after that.And the muffin n cookie kept me happy the rest of the day, till standing on the scale later in the night gave me a rude SHOck!@ and took me right out from lala land. *sobz* it read 53.5 my eyes popped out when i saw that. i felt totally hopeless, and made a promise to myself to not piggy piggy anymore.
And, i feel better today in terms of weight (grr..) and work load and accomplishment! hmm..i only managed to get to sleep at 3 this morning! i think i have been getting insomnia now of late! the previous night, the same thing, same sequence. At least i had damian for company.oh! and i guess i'm a weird person around. i was playing othello on my hp into the wee hours of the morning. Sleepy eye's, and i still managed to win about 4 games. hehex out offf...urmm...countless tries! teez....hopeless i know..
Amazingly, i still managed to wake up at about 9 plus this morning! but i lazed abit, and crawled out at 10a.m. And began on my GREAT STudY schedual for the day! hahaz. okaaay..it wasn't a very good start off, as i was flipping thru my science book for almost two hours...but nothing went into my head... and apart of that, was very consious of not being able to eat. hahaz. i decided on my..cut down diet todae. i haven't eaten a single chocolate today ok! -claps- -smiles-
Tuition was preety much ok. at least i felt it was more fruitful todae. i was listening! and not so much of the things he said today floated out thru the other ear, so that was good. Hmm...then i got back at close to five, and logged on again, and just sat in front of the com , reading rachael's diary again. i must reaali say she writes wel!! compared to my bleah english standard. ok, n after dinner, i was determined to finish up two chpts of science. and miraculously, with God's help, he sustained me through! I was halfway thru the note making, when it dawned upon me that perhaps i should make a silent prayer to God, commiting what i was to do for the night in his hands. i must say, that certainly gave me lotsa strength from above i know to carry on. And suprisingly, after i was done with science, i had this urge to do MATH!! MATH!!! everyone know's i've never sat down to math before anyway...yea..but i guess it wasn't a very enjoyable start, after a few sums, i got on well, but after that i realli lost grasp! But, it was through this, that i see the wonder's of friends that God has given us. Then, as she was teaching me, it occured to me that..she wasnt a christian. sigh, and then i thought about the poem i read earlier today.
Nowadays in the end times, one can't help but constantly think about how bad a state the world is in. i must have mentioned this many times in the previous few entries , but still, well, after all, my worry is still there right? Sometimes, i feel kinda down, when i see some of my friends, so faithful in their walk with God. one , would be rachael. although i dont know her well, but thru reading her diary, ive been able to see a change in her. It is said that when Jesus steps into your life, there will be a change in you. Seriously, i feel that i have yet to see such a change in myself.actually,
im still feeling rather bad about what happened yesterday. daddy simply brushed my hair, and i just snapped back. i dont know what it was, but now that i look at it closely, could it have been satan using me? Thru this, i understood the meaning of " when you sin, you cause others to sin with you" daddy got angry after that...and weirdly, i weptafter that, mebe it was to get myself out of the trouble i was in, or mebe it was due to some deep down feeling ive not yet come to realise or see. Of course, whether a person wants to sin anot is all up to that person, but when sth or someone triggers it off, in a fit of anger, u just flare up i guess. i feel really sorry. and just now, i just got pissed again as he was at the computer...i shouldnt have been but... =(
Ahh..well. its already 2 in the morning! yay! i'm going out for lunch with lydia tomorrow... yummy yummy....her mom cooks great food!! ahh! woops! my diet....arg!!!!!
deuteronomy 31:8"And the LORD, He is the one who goes before you. He will be with you , He will not leave you nor forsake you ; do not fear nor be dismayed. "
One last thing, mummy said to read psalm 91 regarding SARS...shall go and do just that after this.... *NITez*
charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 2:14 AM
