Monday, March 24, 2003


It's the Lord's day again. went for sunset goespel hour . i think its very beneficial. hmm..tuition was better just now, i mean, i managed to ask a few more qtns, but im freaked out, cos realli, my amt of math knowledge i know is down to peanuts!
Hmm..aniwae, thru all the messages i was listening todae, suddenly, some thought struck me, from dunno where, but i pondered on the fact that many a time, people actualli do things, in fear. something like, fear is the key that drives us to work for our goals . take for example...y do we study for exams? for fear of failing. Do we actualli realli clean up our room after mom's countless naggings becos we realli wanna? no. its cos we're afraid certain priveleges might be taken away or other consequences. Ah! now i remember. the topic at SGFH was about "where r u going after death" i think, that's a question many of us always squirm and try to avoid if we're unsure. it was then, that thru singing one song just now-cant remember- that i realised, that apart from me asking God into my life was because i love him, i think most part of it would be driven by fear of not ending up in heaven at the end of the day. i mean, it's normally the fears and doubts of having to experience hell, and your name not being in the Book Of Life that drives people to accept Christ.
Every time that question pops out " r u goin to heaven" i would usually stop and pray, to God, and its always the same thing i pray for- i ask God into my life all over again! ive done that quite a number of times already.So much so, that sometimes, i doubt myself. But today, i found myself praying for another thing infact. i said to God, that he may take my life, take control of it, that i may lead it the way He wants me to. It's just that everytime topic like this comes up, i feel guilty that i don't put god in the highest honour. i place many other things unknowingly above God. I mean, looking closely at my current "lifestyle" . Majority of the time, all i think about is ballet, school work n all. I'm even afraid that i have already begun, without the realisation that i've made Ballet to become an idol in my life! What i have to seek in God now, is to help me to Be Mindful of Him, and be constantly reminded that all things are in his hands, and worketh for a purpose. So realli, i have to put my Trust in God, and believe and have faith in whatever turns n situations that might occur in my life, esp this very crucial year.
I'm also greatly awed that, even though the bible was written soo many years ago, im realli struck that its still relevant in today's context. And reading revalation realli scares me! All the prophesies about what goes on in the end times, its all happening before my eyes! All out in print on the papers...everyday. The rising war on Iraq. All the poor inncent children n pple who've died.. And the sadder"if there's such a word" thought, that Iraq, being a muslim country, how many lives have already been lost, forever in a fiery burning lake of fire....
Another thing learnt in ss todae, was that in the days that the bible was wrtten, we believe that it was by inspiration of God, that God guided those who wrote the book along the way, but they had differentl, individual styles of writing.
another long day tomorrow. i better go get some rest now. -goodnight-

charlene said a lil' prayer for you at 1:15 AM